Our entire family used to enjoy reading Reader's Digest. Imagine my surprise and hurt when someone said, with a snicker, "Reader's Digest is something you read in the bathroom".
If you read yesterday's blog, you might be misled into thinking Confucius advocated "an eye for an eye". I feel like I should make myself clear, then it occurs to me maybe I can condense the most important life lessons from Confucius and Jesus into the shortest possible digest for your bathroom pleasure.
If you come in to fart, this is the 1 second version:
Jesus: renounce everything
Confucius: forgiveness
30 second pee version:
Jesus: The biggest hindrance to eternal life is one's property, one can only give himself completely to God without his worldly possessions.
Confucius: Tolerance that comes from putting yourself in other people's shoes.
Constipation version:
Jesus was asked point blank what was his most important lesson, this exchange was recorded in the gospels multiple times. For example, in Matthew 19:
16And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?
17And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
18He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness,
19Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
20The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?
21Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.
22But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.
23Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven.
24And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
It is clear that doing good deeds and obeying the commandments are necessary but not sufficient conditions for eternal life. The key is to relinquish all your worldly possessions and give yourself completely to the faith, I think this is similar to Buddhism. (Look at the smugness of this dude!)
When Confucius was asked if he could condense his teaching into one word, he said: "The word is tolerance! What you do not desire, don't do to another."
有一言而可以终身行之者乎？”子曰：“其恕乎！己所不欲，勿施于人。”
I immediately see red flags, isn't it just the Golden Rule? Confucius probably copied it word for word from some other more ancient cultures. Actually, a similar rule is also in the Bible "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". But wait, based on what I learned in high school set theory, these are two different sets. Let's plug in something neutral like "tattoo" for x, then Confucius' version says "If you don't like tattoo, don't tattoo others" vs Bible's version "Tattoo others if you like tattoo".
Ok, at least it seems Confucius copied it correctly. Anyway, he covered his ass by saying he's just a guy who liked ancient things and didn't come up with anything original:
子曰："述而不作，信而好古"
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